PAST vs PRESENT

Life seems to go so fast looking at the past but looking at the future, it only comes one step at time… Enjoy the PROCESS.

 

Advertisements

SERVICE: The Heart Of Leadership

The term leadership can be seen as the ability to pull ones’ subordinate along for the purpose of achieving a specific objective or goal. According to Koontz Etals, Leadership “is an influence, that is, the act of influencing people so as to strive willingly and enthusiastically towards the achievement of a goal.” Leadership, therefore, entails service to people for the achievement of a common goal; service then becomes an essential ingredient for good exhibition of leadership. If service is at the centre of leadership, the big question we are immediately confronted with is this; what then becomes the fate of a country that is ruled by self-centered leaders? This write up is inspired by the need for service in leadership while stressing servant-leadership style as the best for us, Nigerians.

With blessings accrued to her by God of mineral resources, breed of intellectuals, skilled and available man power; the lack of genuine service has crippled the nation (Nigeria) such twrong he nation which was on its feet is gradually crumbling financially and morally with some citizens suffering bitterly. Over the years, Nigeria as a country has suffered tremendously in the hands of crooked and self-centered leaders. It is obvious that the rich in Nigeria gets richer while the poor get poorer; even the recessed Nigeria we are passing through today is as a result of our desire to always take and not to build.

Our leadership spirit must foster unity, promote harmony, sustain both human and material development, and ultimately, it must promote service which is a valuable action, deed or effort performed to satisfy a demand. “The servant leader is a servant first… ” this begins with the natural feeling for service of others, hence, a conscious aspiration to lead. Such person is different from the one who is a leader first, perhaps, because of the need to assuage a curious power drive or to acquire material possessions. While traditional leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by the one at the top of the pyramid, the servant-leader shares power, put the needs of others first, and help people develop their talents, so as to encourage effective performance in the society.

What Nigeria society needs, therefore, is servant-leaders who are able to acknowledge their need for service (people who put God first); men of integrity, who can boldly distinguish right from wrong and stand on their convictions despite pressures and temptations. Persons of good character who have a patriotic love for their followers. The Nigeria leadership system needs prominent figures not only on books but of character to be role models, mentors and coaches, to inspire a life of dignity, integrity and responsibility among the youths who eventually would take over the affairs of the country in their retirement or departure from this earthly life.

This means that, emphasis must be placed on service to others, a holistic approach to work, promotion of communal life, and sharing/distribution of power in decision making. The leaders and followers must be committed so as to design a goal program to fulfill the vision of the Nigeria we want.

Winston Churchill once said: “never give in, never give in, never ever give in, in something, great or small, large or petty-never give in except to the convictions of honour and good sense.” This is what our country needs from its leaders which is, to have the mindset of service, integrity, self-discipline, among others. The followers on the other hand must learn to work and support their leaders in their quest to serve them, taken into cognizance that without good followers, the leaders would be frustrated. When this is done, true leadership would be achieved and consequently, the Nigeria we want would become a reality.

-WRITTEN BY: ADAMA CYRIL

QUOTES ON LOVE

Enjoy these beautiful quotes about Love… And share the beauty if you wish… (Smile)

1. Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
— James Baldwin

2. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.
— Tom Robbins

3. If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.
— Johnny Depp

4. All, everything that I understand, I only understand because I love.”

— Leo Tolstoy

5. Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever – only, nothing is eternal. — Audre Lorde

6. The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. — Helen Keller

7. We must love one another or die. — W. H. Auden

8. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
— Lao Tzu

9. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
— Lucille Ball

10. Unless you love someone, nothing else makes sense — E.E. Cummings

11. To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.

— T. Tolis

12. Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. — Robert A. Heinlein

13. Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself. —Andre Breton

14.The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in— Morrie Schwartz

15. It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death. — Eleanor Roosevelt

16. Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear. — John Lennon

17. Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.
— 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The New Jerusalem Bible)

18. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. — Ann Landers

19. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. — Rumi

20. The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. — Helen Keller

21. You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear — Oscar Wilde

22. Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. — Oscar Wilde

23. Love is the most terrible, and also the most generous of the passions; it is the only one which includes in its dreams the happiness of someone else. — Alphonse Karr

24. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It’s like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time.
— Haruki Murakami

25. The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that. — Woody Allen

26. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. — A. A. Milne

27. Love can make even nice people do awful things. — Jude Deveraux

28. Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. — Maya Angelou

29. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. — When Harry Met Sally

30. You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. — Dr. Seuss

31. Love is the one thing in life that makes everything worthwhile. — Carrie Ann Inaba

32. Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. — Khalil Gibran

33. Love is unpredictable and it’s frustrating and it’s tragic and it’s beautiful. And even though there’s no way to feel like I’m an expert at it, it’s worth writing songs about—more than anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life. — Taylor Swift

34. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
— Melanie Clark

35. Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
— Peter Ustinov

36. To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
— David Viscott

37. I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.

38. Love is more than just a feeling: it’s a process requiring continual attention. Loving well takes laughter, loyalty, and wanting more to be able to say, ‘I understand’ than to hear, ‘You’re right.’ — Molleen Matsumura

39. There is no remedy for love but to love more. — Henry David Thoreau

40. Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. ― Paulo Coelho

41. Where there is great love, there are always miracles. ― Willa Cather

42.If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were. — Khalil Gibran

43. Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. — Karl Menninger

44. The love we give away is the only love we keep. — Elbert Hubbard

45. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. — Martin Luther King Jr.

46. When I say I love you more, I don’t mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most. — (Unknown)

47. To love unconditionally requires no contracts, bargains, or agreements. Love exists in the moment-to-moment flux of life. — Marion Woodman

48. Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. — Howard Washington Thurman

49. I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone. — J.R.R. Tolkien

50. I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow. — Leo Christopher

Enjoy your day… (1 smile from me)

DEALING WITH DEVIANT BEHAVIOURS – By Chris Ebo Duruegbusoaku

In spite of the big dreams usually nursed by many youths today, a good number of them are facing several challenges and even getting into diverse troubles. No matter where they are found, there are always lots of pressures for the youths to deal with among friends, family and the larger society. For some of the youths, the pressures emanate from such unwholesome conditions like poverty, violence and other associated issues around them, including even parental problems and the various gangs they may have got themselves entangled with. Youths may also be concerned and have questions arising from their inability to fully grasp the significance of such issues like religion, gender roles, values or ethnicity.

Some of them (youths) may equally be having difficulties dealing with the past traumas they had experienced, which may have arisen, for instance, from the abuses they had suffered either from strangers or even relatives. There is equally the endless struggle between teenagers and their parents. This is usually because many of them tend to think that they require greater independence to explore their world when in fact they still need parental guidance. These conflicts may sometimes result in behavior problems which might in some cases degenerate and eventually abort the great dreams of some of the youths. There is need therefore to create awareness on the menace of deviant behaviors which have impeded and continues to hamper the progress of countless young people out there.

Deviances in youths manifest themselves through diverse vices like – shoplifting, truancy, fighting at school or other places, immoral acts, drug or alcohol ingestion, indulging in unhealthy entertainment, etc. Sometimes, these youths are unable to explain why they find this unwholesome conducts attractive. The adults who ought to help them understand and seek ways out of their predicaments may even be as confused as the youths themselves. Several youths even consider the vices they are manifesting as appropriate ways of dealing with some of the experiences they are grappling with. Naturally, when these youths misbehave, their parents and loved ones feel scared, angry, frustrated or hopeless, and in the process may not be able to evolve adequate responses to the situation. Even the misbehaving youths may later begin to feel guilty, wondering where they had gone wrong, and why their conducts (which they naively consider harmless) are provoking such kinds of reactions. These are feelings that are expected in the course of human development, but what is important is that those concerned should understand that there is help available to troubled youths and their families.

In this maiden contribution to this column, an attempt will be made to explain the sources of deviant behaviors and ways of resolving them.
~ SOURCES OF DEVIANT BEHAVIORS AND HOW TO RESOLVE THEM
Self-control is an individual characteristic that is established early in life and lack of it accounts for the deviant behaviors we witness in several young people and even adults. Self-control can be achieved through strong attachments to social foundations such as family, church, school or community. These social bonds possess the capacity to influence the level and extent of deviance somebody could engage in. It must be pointed out that people engage in unacceptable behaviors (like stealing, for instance) because of the immediate gratification they offer. In many cases, it only requires just a little time to think it over, and often does not have a long term goal which would require long waiting before it materializes. These results are appealing to children with low self-control or self-regulation. Self-regulation is the ability to set goals and apply the necessary effort and discipline to achieve them, refrain from problematic behaviors that might threaten them, and focus on long term goals that yield more beneficial and lasting ends. But a trend among adolescents is inability to maintain goals or restrain their behaviors without guidance. This inability to control challenging tendencies will influence the child to partake in deviant activities.

What is known as the social disorganization theory has tried to enhance our understanding of why adolescents partake in unhealthy conducts. The main thrust of this theory is that high rates of deviancy are witnessed when a community’s informal social control within the family and society deteriorates through negligence or condoning of resistance against correction by young people. This theory stresses the merits of community social control, as espoused in the African proverb that says that it takes a village to raise a child.

Parents are deemed to be the first models their children encounter in life. Research has shown that when parents are held in high esteem and are the main sources of inspiration for their children, those kids are more likely to model their lives after them. But negative attitudes by parents are more likely to be emulated by their children. And this will in the long run affect the rest of the society. Once their children begin to grow, it is normal for parents to begin to mould and shape their behaviors to conform to the norms of society. This demands that teenagers or young adults who are usually inclined to resisting parental controls on the grounds that they now feel grown-up and reasonable, or even supposedly possess more knowledge for self-direction, should resist such tendency and accept with delight parental control which most of the time is for their own good.

It has been observed that there are certain parenting techniques that tend to have greater impact on the child’s behavior than others; the most effective is “parental support” which consists of those positive attitudes toward the child, such as praising, encouraging and showing of affection, which build their self-confidence. These make the child the child to feel valued and loved. In multiple studies, it has been found that support from parents bonds the adolescent to institutions and builds their self-control. This building of self-control will impede the development of deviant behaviors and create in the child a positive personality. However, in today’s world good family bonding is speedily giving way for single or no parenting largely as a result of parents not being available to nurture their children due to divorce in some cases or outright decision of some not to be in husband/wife family structure, thus providing incentive to an ever increasing tendency to yield to unacceptable lifestyle.

For youths growing up in such environments without adequate parental support or under the kind of deviant parenting where unacceptable conducts are tolerated (or even promoted), experienced pastors of a church like the Watchman Catholic Charismatic Renewal Movement can constitute a pool of alternative and reliable mentors outside the home; these are people whom they would be able to trust enough to disclose their plight and have them give them proper, godly guidance that would put them on the path of rectitude and lay for them the requisite foundation for growing into responsible members of the society and future leaders. And for this to work very well, the concerned youth must happily yield to effective discipline, monitoring and problem-solving techniques provided for their own good by these their self-adopted parents. Consistent discipline must be ensured at the sighting of deviant behavior in order to prevent their development. Every rewarding lifestyle would always require conscientious efforts to build. Youths who are determined to defeat deviances must invest time and energy to put into practice what they heard during church meetings, from parents and pastors.

When adolescents are distinguished by unwholesome conducts, what may happen is that they are most likely to be rejected by conventional peers causing them to drift into associations with deviant peers. And when this happens, and the concerned adolescent ceases to be restrained by the opinions of parents, teachers, pastors and conventional peers, his new deviant friends would encourage and reinforce him to participate in deviant behaviors. It is known that deviant friends happily accept each other and their deviant actions. The age at which adolescent begins associating with deviant peers influences the level of delinquency he might participate in. Every youth should carefully select the social group he wants to be associated with, as birds of the same feather always flock together. For Christian youths and those desirous of leading responsible lives, the best company available to them is other Christian youths, and they must endeavor to participate actively in the activities of the Youth Church. One cannot be different from the kind of friends one keeps.

Support for social learning has generated important implications for resolving deviancy. From a social learning perspective, deviant and criminal conducts are learned and sustained via associations with family and peer networks. If one agrees that this is the source of such behavior, then it follows that these behaviors could be modified to the extent that one is able to manipulate those same processes or the environmental contingencies that precipitate them early enough.

From this perspective, policy-makers should focus on developing and implementing preventive and rehabilitative programmes that use social learning variables to change behavior in a positive direction. Examples of programmes guided by social learning principles include mentoring, peer counseling and group interventions. The idea behind some of these types of programmes is that providing Watchman Youth Empowerment Scheme (YES) as a means of fostering good and productive social integration for overall development of our young ones.

It is however noteworthy here that the deviancies in persons and the world at large today, basically derives from deviations from our Creator’s originally drawn patterns of living in the world He created and put us in. Some parents themselves departing from these patterns established by our universal Father have gone ahead to lay foundation for a society that has become depraved and deviated from the original purpose of the Creator (Acts. 17:24-31).

Anyone who cares about fulfillment in life should first get back to God as the foundation of life, seek out His pattern in the areas of their concerns, and live by them, for in Him we live, move and have our being. Youths should desist from quickly seeking absolute freedom in the midst of ignorance, which is suicidal. They should rather make up their minds to be the best of what God designed them to be under the guidance of God’s word and their Godly parents (Prov. 6:20-23, 27 & 28; Isa. 8:12-20).

~ Chris Ebo Duruegbusoaku, Ph.D., is the WCCRM Diocesan Pastor of Ilorin and the Director, WCCRM Missions.

MISSING SOMEONE

You know when you miss someone, you either do it smiling or crying. You either do it sometimes or always… All these depend on how much the person really mean to you. However, it’s always for some special reasons. Most times, your reactions to such feelings depend on the distance between you and the person. Are they far or close? Are they coming back or gone forever? Do they really understand what they mean to you or are they just confuse about your feelings for them as you are? *smiling slowly*
You know, when I came to fully understand what Love truly mean, it was too late for me to run away and keep my heart ever free as I’ve always wished it to be. Love is like a responsibility, and it deserves a kind of a perfect dedication.

Initially I was just interested in growing up but unknown to me there was a feeling building up on the inside of me. I came to realised it at the exact moment when I was about to declare confidently that, “NOTHING IS REALLY WORTH DYING FOR”. That feeling was Love and I couldn’t deny it because it appeared like an unfriendly gun pointing to my head ready to blow if I dare deny it. I hesitated. I dared it. I couldn’t believe nor accept it and so I tried to drift out then I realized it was already rooted deep in my heart with its branches and roots scattered all through my veins and nerves and so wherever I go, it would always be there with me; growing stronger and deeper.

No doubt, there are certain people in our lives who are completely perfect in our eyes and heart that we never want to think about losing sight of them even for a second but whom we may end up not seeing for hours, days, months and years,yet still accept and endure it all because the world isn’t that perfect so as to give us everything we want or desire. But no matter what, we must walk on to the end of this Road Fate has decided to place us on.

Wow! Honestly I didn’t know I could write up to four sentences given my current state of mind. Thank God for everything.

SIGNS OF LOVE

This is not a scientific conclusion about the signs of Love… I just thought I should share it here…it was a kind of answer I gave to a question. The question was:

“HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH A PERSON??”

There are a lot of answers to this question and everyone has something to say about it.
This is what I think:

When deep inside your heart, you feel no doubts about your love for the person. When they apologize for doing wrong and you feel like they shouldn’t ‘cos you never saw it the wrong way as they had expected. When you have all you need to be happy and yet their absence still cause you to feel like you have nothing. When your heart is ever ready to welcome their mistakes, gladly accept them for what others reject them for, to want to change nothing about them and ready to work hard to make them happy for the rest of their lives.

The feeling is usually deeper than words can ever express, but when you have it, you’ll feel it and you’ll know what it is…that it is LOVE.
Being in love isn’t always about two people who love each other dearly, it’s also about one person who’s ready to die for his partner, alone. When you’re in love with a person, nothing is more special, interesting or so important but “them”. But when they are mad at You… You’ll wish the planet stops for a second, so you can drop off until things fall back to place.

In life, I Learnt: Love is one of the greatest motivation to success. It may not necessarily be a person, but when you have passion for something your failures won’t deter you and you’ll end successfully…even over and over again.

First Love

WHY IT’S HARD TO LET GO OF YOUR FIRST LOVE?

My Opinion:
Maybe they’re the first to place their hands on your plain innocent heart leaving hand-prints that are hard to erase until you meet someone who loves you deep enough to make the hand-prints fade away and make them kind of hazy but not completely erased. But don’t let their memories hurt you, they taught you that you can love so deeply and that they didn’t deserve it and so left.

Somebody Cares!

Anytime you think the whole world is against you, that’s exactly when you go wrong again. The whole world can never be against you. No matter what you do, Someone will always be for you. Someone will always understand you. Someone will always listen to you. Someone will always want/accept you. Someone will always see you as their EVERYTHING. And if you’re not careful enough, you may never notice that special someone even if they are sitting right next to you. That’s Life! Get along with it! It respects no trouble! It Goes On…

Love

When somebody loves you so deeply… You could see it in their eyes… You could hear it in their voice… You could feel it in their touch… And then in your heart, you could feel the depth of it all. And then you want to stay in their arms FOREVER and ever ready to die for them!