Life seems to go so fast looking at the past but looking at the future, it only comes one step at time… Enjoy the PROCESS.
The term leadership can be seen as the ability to pull ones’ subordinate along for the purpose of achieving a specific objective or goal. According to Koontz Etals, Leadership “is an influence, that is, the act of influencing people so as to strive willingly and enthusiastically towards the achievement of a goal.” Leadership, therefore, entails service to people for the achievement of a common goal; service then becomes an essential ingredient for good exhibition of leadership. If service is at the centre of leadership, the big question we are immediately confronted with is this; what then becomes the fate of a country that is ruled by self-centered leaders? This write up is inspired by the need for service in leadership while stressing servant-leadership style as the best for us, Nigerians.
With blessings accrued to her by God of mineral resources, breed of intellectuals, skilled and available man power; the lack of genuine service has crippled the nation (Nigeria) such twrong he nation which was on its feet is gradually crumbling financially and morally with some citizens suffering bitterly. Over the years, Nigeria as a country has suffered tremendously in the hands of crooked and self-centered leaders. It is obvious that the rich in Nigeria gets richer while the poor get poorer; even the recessed Nigeria we are passing through today is as a result of our desire to always take and not to build.
Our leadership spirit must foster unity, promote harmony, sustain both human and material development, and ultimately, it must promote service which is a valuable action, deed or effort performed to satisfy a demand. “The servant leader is a servant first… ” this begins with the natural feeling for service of others, hence, a conscious aspiration to lead. Such person is different from the one who is a leader first, perhaps, because of the need to assuage a curious power drive or to acquire material possessions. While traditional leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by the one at the top of the pyramid, the servant-leader shares power, put the needs of others first, and help people develop their talents, so as to encourage effective performance in the society.
What Nigeria society needs, therefore, is servant-leaders who are able to acknowledge their need for service (people who put God first); men of integrity, who can boldly distinguish right from wrong and stand on their convictions despite pressures and temptations. Persons of good character who have a patriotic love for their followers. The Nigeria leadership system needs prominent figures not only on books but of character to be role models, mentors and coaches, to inspire a life of dignity, integrity and responsibility among the youths who eventually would take over the affairs of the country in their retirement or departure from this earthly life.
This means that, emphasis must be placed on service to others, a holistic approach to work, promotion of communal life, and sharing/distribution of power in decision making. The leaders and followers must be committed so as to design a goal program to fulfill the vision of the Nigeria we want.
Winston Churchill once said: “never give in, never give in, never ever give in, in something, great or small, large or petty-never give in except to the convictions of honour and good sense.” This is what our country needs from its leaders which is, to have the mindset of service, integrity, self-discipline, among others. The followers on the other hand must learn to work and support their leaders in their quest to serve them, taken into cognizance that without good followers, the leaders would be frustrated. When this is done, true leadership would be achieved and consequently, the Nigeria we want would become a reality.
-WRITTEN BY: ADAMA CYRIL
Enjoy these beautiful quotes about Love… And share the beauty if you wish… (Smile)
1. Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
— James Baldwin
2. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.
— Tom Robbins
3. If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.
— Johnny Depp
4. All, everything that I understand, I only understand because I love.”
— Leo Tolstoy
5. Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever – only, nothing is eternal. — Audre Lorde
6. The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. — Helen Keller
7. We must love one another or die. — W. H. Auden
8. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
— Lao Tzu
9. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
— Lucille Ball
10. Unless you love someone, nothing else makes sense — E.E. Cummings
11. To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.
— T. Tolis
12. Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. — Robert A. Heinlein
13. Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself. —Andre Breton
14.The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in— Morrie Schwartz
15. It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death. — Eleanor Roosevelt
16. Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear. — John Lennon
17. Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.
— 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The New Jerusalem Bible)
18. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. — Ann Landers
19. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. — Rumi
20. The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. — Helen Keller
21. You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear — Oscar Wilde
22. Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. — Oscar Wilde
23. Love is the most terrible, and also the most generous of the passions; it is the only one which includes in its dreams the happiness of someone else. — Alphonse Karr
24. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It’s like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time.
— Haruki Murakami
25. The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that. — Woody Allen
26. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. — A. A. Milne
27. Love can make even nice people do awful things. — Jude Deveraux
28. Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. — Maya Angelou
29. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. — When Harry Met Sally
30. You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. — Dr. Seuss
31. Love is the one thing in life that makes everything worthwhile. — Carrie Ann Inaba
32. Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. — Khalil Gibran
33. Love is unpredictable and it’s frustrating and it’s tragic and it’s beautiful. And even though there’s no way to feel like I’m an expert at it, it’s worth writing songs about—more than anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life. — Taylor Swift
34. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
— Melanie Clark
35. Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
— Peter Ustinov
36. To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
— David Viscott
37. I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
38. Love is more than just a feeling: it’s a process requiring continual attention. Loving well takes laughter, loyalty, and wanting more to be able to say, ‘I understand’ than to hear, ‘You’re right.’ — Molleen Matsumura
39. There is no remedy for love but to love more. — Henry David Thoreau
40. Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. ― Paulo Coelho
41. Where there is great love, there are always miracles. ― Willa Cather
42.If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were. — Khalil Gibran
43. Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. — Karl Menninger
44. The love we give away is the only love we keep. — Elbert Hubbard
45. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. — Martin Luther King Jr.
46. When I say I love you more, I don’t mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most. — (Unknown)
47. To love unconditionally requires no contracts, bargains, or agreements. Love exists in the moment-to-moment flux of life. — Marion Woodman
48. Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. — Howard Washington Thurman
49. I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone. — J.R.R. Tolkien
50. I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow. — Leo Christopher
Enjoy your day… (1 smile from me)
In a noisy world, the quiet ones are thought abnormal… And in a quiet world, the noisy ones are thought abnormal. The wisest thing is knowing when it’s necessary to be either of the two. But I still think a quiet and meditating environment seems much more pleasant to live in, because even a good speech, is not prepared in the market square.
My sincere wish is to be able to help others achieve their dreams… Even greater than I’ve achieved mine. And that day will surely become one of my most happiest moments in life.
Considered by many to be one of the most important female african writers, she is greatly respected and revered for her unique and creative writings about the painful struggles of African women towards establishing their place in history.
Below I’ll share a great quote attributed to her:
“One thing she did not know was that the greatest book on human psychology is the Bible. If you were lazy and did not wish to work, or if you had failed to make your way in the society, you could always say my kingdom is not of this world. If you were a jet-set woman who believed in sleeping around, VD or no VD you could always say ‘Mary Magdalene had no husband but didn’t she wash the feet of our Lord? Wasn’t she the first person to see our risen saviour?’ If on the other hand you believed in the inferiority of the blacks you could always say ‘Slaves obey your master.’ It’s a mysterious book, one of the greatest of all books, if not the greatest. Hasn’t it got all the answers?
PRAYER FOR HER: May her beautiful soul find complete rest in the comfort of the Lord. Amen.
“Only those you love can hurt you. If you don’t care about someone, how can they break your heart??”
In spite of the big dreams usually nursed by many youths today, a good number of them are facing several challenges and even getting into diverse troubles. No matter where they are found, there are always lots of pressures for the youths to deal with among friends, family and the larger society. For some of the youths, the pressures emanate from such unwholesome conditions like poverty, violence and other associated issues around them, including even parental problems and the various gangs they may have got themselves entangled with. Youths may also be concerned and have questions arising from their inability to fully grasp the significance of such issues like religion, gender roles, values or ethnicity.
Some of them (youths) may equally be having difficulties dealing with the past traumas they had experienced, which may have arisen, for instance, from the abuses they had suffered either from strangers or even relatives. There is equally the endless struggle between teenagers and their parents. This is usually because many of them tend to think that they require greater independence to explore their world when in fact they still need parental guidance. These conflicts may sometimes result in behavior problems which might in some cases degenerate and eventually abort the great dreams of some of the youths. There is need therefore to create awareness on the menace of deviant behaviors which have impeded and continues to hamper the progress of countless young people out there.
Deviances in youths manifest themselves through diverse vices like – shoplifting, truancy, fighting at school or other places, immoral acts, drug or alcohol ingestion, indulging in unhealthy entertainment, etc. Sometimes, these youths are unable to explain why they find this unwholesome conducts attractive. The adults who ought to help them understand and seek ways out of their predicaments may even be as confused as the youths themselves. Several youths even consider the vices they are manifesting as appropriate ways of dealing with some of the experiences they are grappling with. Naturally, when these youths misbehave, their parents and loved ones feel scared, angry, frustrated or hopeless, and in the process may not be able to evolve adequate responses to the situation. Even the misbehaving youths may later begin to feel guilty, wondering where they had gone wrong, and why their conducts (which they naively consider harmless) are provoking such kinds of reactions. These are feelings that are expected in the course of human development, but what is important is that those concerned should understand that there is help available to troubled youths and their families.
In this maiden contribution to this column, an attempt will be made to explain the sources of deviant behaviors and ways of resolving them.
~ SOURCES OF DEVIANT BEHAVIORS AND HOW TO RESOLVE THEM
Self-control is an individual characteristic that is established early in life and lack of it accounts for the deviant behaviors we witness in several young people and even adults. Self-control can be achieved through strong attachments to social foundations such as family, church, school or community. These social bonds possess the capacity to influence the level and extent of deviance somebody could engage in. It must be pointed out that people engage in unacceptable behaviors (like stealing, for instance) because of the immediate gratification they offer. In many cases, it only requires just a little time to think it over, and often does not have a long term goal which would require long waiting before it materializes. These results are appealing to children with low self-control or self-regulation. Self-regulation is the ability to set goals and apply the necessary effort and discipline to achieve them, refrain from problematic behaviors that might threaten them, and focus on long term goals that yield more beneficial and lasting ends. But a trend among adolescents is inability to maintain goals or restrain their behaviors without guidance. This inability to control challenging tendencies will influence the child to partake in deviant activities.
What is known as the social disorganization theory has tried to enhance our understanding of why adolescents partake in unhealthy conducts. The main thrust of this theory is that high rates of deviancy are witnessed when a community’s informal social control within the family and society deteriorates through negligence or condoning of resistance against correction by young people. This theory stresses the merits of community social control, as espoused in the African proverb that says that it takes a village to raise a child.
Parents are deemed to be the first models their children encounter in life. Research has shown that when parents are held in high esteem and are the main sources of inspiration for their children, those kids are more likely to model their lives after them. But negative attitudes by parents are more likely to be emulated by their children. And this will in the long run affect the rest of the society. Once their children begin to grow, it is normal for parents to begin to mould and shape their behaviors to conform to the norms of society. This demands that teenagers or young adults who are usually inclined to resisting parental controls on the grounds that they now feel grown-up and reasonable, or even supposedly possess more knowledge for self-direction, should resist such tendency and accept with delight parental control which most of the time is for their own good.
It has been observed that there are certain parenting techniques that tend to have greater impact on the child’s behavior than others; the most effective is “parental support” which consists of those positive attitudes toward the child, such as praising, encouraging and showing of affection, which build their self-confidence. These make the child the child to feel valued and loved. In multiple studies, it has been found that support from parents bonds the adolescent to institutions and builds their self-control. This building of self-control will impede the development of deviant behaviors and create in the child a positive personality. However, in today’s world good family bonding is speedily giving way for single or no parenting largely as a result of parents not being available to nurture their children due to divorce in some cases or outright decision of some not to be in husband/wife family structure, thus providing incentive to an ever increasing tendency to yield to unacceptable lifestyle.
For youths growing up in such environments without adequate parental support or under the kind of deviant parenting where unacceptable conducts are tolerated (or even promoted), experienced pastors of a church like the Watchman Catholic Charismatic Renewal Movement can constitute a pool of alternative and reliable mentors outside the home; these are people whom they would be able to trust enough to disclose their plight and have them give them proper, godly guidance that would put them on the path of rectitude and lay for them the requisite foundation for growing into responsible members of the society and future leaders. And for this to work very well, the concerned youth must happily yield to effective discipline, monitoring and problem-solving techniques provided for their own good by these their self-adopted parents. Consistent discipline must be ensured at the sighting of deviant behavior in order to prevent their development. Every rewarding lifestyle would always require conscientious efforts to build. Youths who are determined to defeat deviances must invest time and energy to put into practice what they heard during church meetings, from parents and pastors.
When adolescents are distinguished by unwholesome conducts, what may happen is that they are most likely to be rejected by conventional peers causing them to drift into associations with deviant peers. And when this happens, and the concerned adolescent ceases to be restrained by the opinions of parents, teachers, pastors and conventional peers, his new deviant friends would encourage and reinforce him to participate in deviant behaviors. It is known that deviant friends happily accept each other and their deviant actions. The age at which adolescent begins associating with deviant peers influences the level of delinquency he might participate in. Every youth should carefully select the social group he wants to be associated with, as birds of the same feather always flock together. For Christian youths and those desirous of leading responsible lives, the best company available to them is other Christian youths, and they must endeavor to participate actively in the activities of the Youth Church. One cannot be different from the kind of friends one keeps.
Support for social learning has generated important implications for resolving deviancy. From a social learning perspective, deviant and criminal conducts are learned and sustained via associations with family and peer networks. If one agrees that this is the source of such behavior, then it follows that these behaviors could be modified to the extent that one is able to manipulate those same processes or the environmental contingencies that precipitate them early enough.
From this perspective, policy-makers should focus on developing and implementing preventive and rehabilitative programmes that use social learning variables to change behavior in a positive direction. Examples of programmes guided by social learning principles include mentoring, peer counseling and group interventions. The idea behind some of these types of programmes is that providing Watchman Youth Empowerment Scheme (YES) as a means of fostering good and productive social integration for overall development of our young ones.
It is however noteworthy here that the deviancies in persons and the world at large today, basically derives from deviations from our Creator’s originally drawn patterns of living in the world He created and put us in. Some parents themselves departing from these patterns established by our universal Father have gone ahead to lay foundation for a society that has become depraved and deviated from the original purpose of the Creator (Acts. 17:24-31).
Anyone who cares about fulfillment in life should first get back to God as the foundation of life, seek out His pattern in the areas of their concerns, and live by them, for in Him we live, move and have our being. Youths should desist from quickly seeking absolute freedom in the midst of ignorance, which is suicidal. They should rather make up their minds to be the best of what God designed them to be under the guidance of God’s word and their Godly parents (Prov. 6:20-23, 27 & 28; Isa. 8:12-20).
~ Chris Ebo Duruegbusoaku, Ph.D., is the WCCRM Diocesan Pastor of Ilorin and the Director, WCCRM Missions.
Anybody can claim to know how you feel, but it takes someone who truly understand you to feel what you’re feeling.
I seem to find myself overwhelmed by the continual reporting of bad news, tragedies and the details and analyses over and over again that I have started to ignore much of it. As I contemplate the perpetual bombardment, somewhat surprisingly John Lennon’s song Imagine comes to mind, in particular this verse:
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace.
Can You imagine this? Is it hard to do? Or do you scoff and think that it’s just the vision of a crazy idealistic dreamer who is preoccupied with love and peace, spouting notions that are naive and simplistic? There’s definitely a part of me that would like to see us all hold hands and sing peace songs with the hope that the power generated would overcome war, killing, greed, e.t.c. Given the onslaught of depressing news these days, it takes a sort of blind innocence to even consider these possibilities.
As much as I love this song (as I do most of Lennon’s work) and the sentiments it expresses, there still resides in me a part that is quite cynical and at times despondent of our human nature. Though I choose not to dwell on these thoughts, I confess that there are times when these thoughts and feelings overtake me. To shake them off, I will play my guitar, go outside, or seek out my wife Jesseca for a hug and a few moments of solace and comfort that any of these can afford.
I’m reminded of a cherokee legend of which you may be familiar. Yet it is always worth recounting, particularly now. This version is closer to the original and is called “Grandfather Tells”, also known as “The Wolves Within.” It goes like this:
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times. He continued, “It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.” The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “which one wins, Grandfather?” The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, “The one I feed.”
So which one will you feed?
~Dr. Steven Farmer is a world-renowned author, teacher, shamanic practitioner, soul healer and former psychotherapist.